i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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