I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
