cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Only a mothe r could love this liver
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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