That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
