i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you win again, gameday.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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