So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
