oh god the rape fog is back!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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