Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
