Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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