and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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