I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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