I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
