i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
