I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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