We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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