My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
