like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
