No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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