i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
