worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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