Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
