we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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