she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
