you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
