If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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