I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
