Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
