Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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