On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
