i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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