i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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