Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
