u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
