Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
