Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
