The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
