Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
