He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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