dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
