I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
