Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
