We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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