I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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