You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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