I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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