Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
