i need an iv and a liver transplant
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
