You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
