they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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