kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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